Couples Therapy
Breaking the Deadlock
When I say I’ve witnessed countless relationships up close, I’m referring specifically to that painful moment when couples stop seeing each other and start seeing only the "war."
In 2017, I became the first therapist in Israel certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) by ICEEFT (The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy). Since then, I have been dedicated to expanding this approach in Israel, supervising therapists, and teaching these effective skills in various professional forums.
My choice of this method stems from it being the most researched and effective approach in the world for assisting couples in distress. It allows us to understand that most couples (about 70%) are not "broken"—they are simply caught in a negative loop of opposing emotional defense styles.
The Dance of the Pursuer and the Withdrawer
We call this "The Dance." It is a tragic cycle where the very actions one partner takes to feel safe cause the other to feel pain, and vice versa.
The Pursuer: Often the partner most sensitive to any shift in distance. When they feel a disconnection, they try to protect the relationship by attempting to pull their partner closer. However, this is often perceived by the other side as criticism, pressure, or an attack.
The Withdrawer: Deeply sensitive to criticism. When they feel attacked or "failed," they withdraw to calm down, minimize damage, and wait for the storm to pass. Tragically, this withdrawal makes the Pursuer feel abandoned, causing them to pursue even harder - and the cycle repeats.
From Conflict to Connection
In therapy, our first step is to realize that the problem is not you, and it’s not your partner. The problem is the Loop. Once we identify this "enemy" outside of yourselves, we can stop fighting each other and start fighting the deadlock together. We work to de-escalate the conflict and build a "Secure Base," allowing you to express your true needs without the armor of anger or silence.
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