"Unraveling the Legal Threads of Relationships"
- Apr 21
- 5 min read
"Exploring the Impact of Family Law on Couples and Caregivers"
I inherited from my father the view that our lives are saturated with law: even when we don't think there is a connection between what happens to us and the world of law, nevertheless, such a connection exists every day and every hour. This worldview is also valid for relationships, but not only for the couples themselves but also for those who take care of them in case of conflict or separation.
This is the reason why I want to dedicate this week's column to the program "M.A. in Legal Studies without lawyers," offered at the College of Management. I might not have known about this program if it had not been headed by Prof. Zvi Trigger, head of the master's degree program at the Strix School of Law at the College of Management, an expert in contract law and family law. Prof. Trigger (Zvika for me) is a close friend, and we even published a book together about a decade ago. I had the chance to talk with him about this topic, and I think the program he leads is particularly suitable for family caregivers.
"Like you said, the sentence shapes our relationships in everyday life, whether we're aware of it or not," says Trigger. "I believe it is very important to know what the law says on various issues related to family life - there are places where it can reassure and provide a safety net, and there are places where you have to be careful of it because it could escalate conflicts."
"For example, if I know that in a divorce I will have the power to extort concessions from my partner in exchange for a divorce, this knowledge will shape our relationship even without us falling into a divorce crisis. On the other hand, if I know that in times of crisis none of us is stronger than the other, our relationship will look completely different."
"From the point of view of family therapists, the course in family law is the heart of the specialization. General knowledge of family law is not enough and sometimes it is even harmful, and I think that familiarity with the law and its complexity and its role in shaping relationships is a necessary tool in family therapy, even if it is only in the background of things."
Attorney Judith Maizels explains the legal aspects of a relationship.
"Money is more taboo than sex. If we don't talk, it costs more and destroys relationships."
Divorcing? This is how you will protect yourself from rabbis and private investigators.
How can a marriage and family therapist use the knowledge she acquires in this curriculum?
"There is no aspect of a conflict between family members that does not have legal consequences, whether the couple intends to divorce or whether they seek couples therapy to deal with the crisis and avoid divorce. Getting to know the law and the legal system - there is the law in the books and there is the law in practice, and they do not necessarily overlap - can help avoid divorce in some cases, and encourage the couple to overcome the crisis without involving the court."
Sometimes people act out of general knowledge about their rights, Trigger explains. This knowledge may not be accurate, but they rely on it to fortify their positions. "For example, there are couples who find out only when they get divorced that they are not married because they have a 'marriage certificate,' and therefore their status is at most a failure known to the public. This can save the whole matter of divorce through the rabbinical court and perhaps also neutralize the force dimension of the conflict, since If they are not married, the man has no ability to leverage the divorce against his partner.
"Israeli family laws are fundamentally flawed because they include truly shameful power relations, which subject women to the will of men. When a man decides to act out of revenge and refuse to grant a divorce, the woman has no solution. It is important to deeply understand the abysses that can be reached through the abuse of power in the legal field to know how to steer the family away from them. It is true that there are also women who act out of revenge, but the sword of divorce is only in the hands of the men."
This knowledge is relevant and very important to anyone who takes care of spouses in crisis because the law is always in the background.
"The legal meaning of infidelity plays an important role in the set of emotional and practical considerations of the betrayed spouse, even when the spouses do not separate. There have been cases where the condition for reconciliation set by the betrayed spouse is a requirement for the unfaithful spouse to sign a financial agreement, which included a commitment to pay compensation if the betrayal is repeated herself. What does such a 'judge' of the relationship do to the couple? Is it even possible to enforce such agreements? How can the court be used by the aggrieved partner to take revenge on the unfaithful partner and possibly sabotage the reconciliation, against the wishes of both partners?"
"In other words, for every solution of a crisis in a therapeutic and dialogic way, there is also the path of a legal conflict. It is important to know the consequences of choosing the legal path, the adversarial, in order to deeply understand how people who are in crisis think. If they share the existence of the crisis with others, they sometimes get Advice, and some of this advice can be militant, in the sense of starting a legal battle."
These are all scenarios related to the possibility of separation and divorce. I assume that the law regulates the relationships even when the couple does not marry, or choose a civil marriage, or plan a marriage. This is true?
"Certainly. The law does not come into the picture only at the moment of marriage, and therefore if the couple is ultra-Orthodox on the background of property, the in-depth familiarity with the legal field in this matter, and in particular with the meaning of financial agreements and prenuptial agreements, can give them tools to deal with these concerns."
"Many people have the misconception that financial agreements, and written documents in general, sabotage romance. But the truth is that when the financial agreement is drawn up before marriage, at a stage when the couple still love and want a joint relationship, it is easier for them to draw boundaries for a future scenario of separation and divorce. It is an experience that gives great certainty and stability, and can also deepen the relationship between the couple."