The Hidden Allure of Aggression: Understanding Dopamine's Role

How Dopamine Drives Our Behaviors and Influences Relationships

In previous articles, I emphasized the pleasurable effects of dopamine and recommended actions to maintain our ability to enjoy it over time without experiencing extreme highs and lows. Dopamine is secreted by the brain in response to activities like sex, chocolate consumption, and drug use. Although these activities can be harmful in the long run, their immediate enjoyment is evident. However, it's important to understand that the brain also releases dopamine in situations where we act aggressively.

This may be clear to some, as we can sometimes feel the dopamine rush when expressing aggression. But in some cases, the release of dopamine is hidden in the conscious experience of the aggressive person. Think of dopamine in this context as hidden sugar in a snack that appears only salty and spicy. Food engineers hide sugar molecules in the snack, making us want more without realizing why. Similarly, we may be drawn to express aggression without knowing that our brain rewards us for it.

The Brain Rewards Confrontation

The brain rewards us for at least some form of confrontation with a threat. This mechanism can still be useful today, not just in ancient times. For instance, if you have stage fright, walking straight to the microphone and facing the audience can trigger a dopamine release. However, this dopamine chase can complicate our lives, especially in relationships. We tend to be aggressive during difficult moments, not after great sex or a delicious meal. We're more likely to attack when we feel bad, i.e., when our dopamine levels are low. In such situations, the brain might seek to increase dopamine levels through aggression.

Aggression in relationships often isn’t limited by significant immediate consequences. If someone cuts me off in line at the supermarket, I might feel bad and want to attack, but I know there’s a risk of trouble. In long-term relationships, a single fight rarely ends the relationship. Instead, relationships wear down from a series of fights and injuries. Thus, three unique conditions encourage aggression in relationships:

1. A state of dopamine deficiency.

2. Dopamine reward for aggression.

3. A low immediate cost for aggressive behavior.

   
   

Implications for Therapy and Relationships

This understanding emphasizes the importance of emotional validation and support for partners caught in a fight, especially the one prone to aggression. By doing this, we can increase the dopamine level of the agitated partner, reducing their unconscious temptation to act aggressively. Additionally, highlighting the costs of aggression or the benefits of non-aggressive coping can soften the appeal of aggression.

The Gray Area and Further Research

From the dopamine magic of aggression, additional research questions arise about the connection between issues in the dopaminergic system and aggression. Studies indicate such a connection in behaviors leading to arrest or imprisonment. It’s important to explore if this connection exists in more subtle areas, like psychological aggression in relationships, chasing a partner from room to room, or shouting without physical violence.

It’s also worth investigating whether people with lower dopamine levels are more prone to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They might increase their exposure to trauma-producing events in search of dopamine through violence, sex, drug use, reckless spending, and dangerous driving.

Borderline Personality Disorder and Dopamine

These questions suggest that people with borderline personality disorder might illustrate the connection between low dopamine and aggression. Certain antipsychotic drugs affecting dopamine have shown potential to relieve symptoms of this disorder, perhaps even more effectively than serotonin-affecting antidepressants (SSRIs).

If this is true, it guides us on effectively dealing with people suffering from this personality organization. Applying this understanding in everyday scenarios can also benefit relationships. For example, if we counter our instincts when our partner is angry and show vulnerability and warmth instead of avoiding or attacking, it can have an immediate effect on their dopamine levels, weakening the attractiveness of the aggressive option. Easier said than done, of course.

Recommendations by Amalia Rosenblum

Website: Emotion Compass

We just want to feel pleasant emotions and avoid unpleasant ones. So why is it so complicated? Emotion-focused therapy helps patients refine their emotional processing, but an hour a week isn’t much, and many people don’t even have that. The Emotion Compass website provides quality information and exercises to help you understand and process your emotions better.

App: Plum Village

I’ve mentioned the free meditation app Plum Village before, but I want to highlight it again in honor of its founder, monk Thich Nhat Hanh, who recently passed away. One notable feature is the mindfulness bell, which sounds like a Tibetan bowl. You can set it to ring at specific times as a reminder to stop, breathe, and return to the present moment.

Book: On the Bones of the Dead

This book by Nobel Prize-winning Polish writer Olga Tokarczuk is both entertaining and profound. Reading it brought me back to the joy of childhood reading. For three evenings, put your phone aside and follow the detective stories of a misanthropic, animal-loving heroine in a remote, snowy village on the Polish-Czech border. It’s a proper literary trip and a great conversation starter for your next social gathering.

By understanding the hidden allure of aggression and the role of dopamine, we can better navigate our relationships and improve our emotional well-being.