The Evolution of Matchmaking Ads: From Economic Stability to Romantic Attraction

A Comparison of Mid-20th Century Matchmaking Ads and Modern Dating Profiles

"For my relative, Mrs. Galmuda, cultured, a subject of England, gentle and noble of spirit, from a famous privileged family, Yaelt Chen, at the age of 41, not without property, I am asking for a partner from a circle of religiously educated people."

The holidays are here, and singleness is a hot topic - and it turns out it was like that many years ago. This lovely ad appears in the article "Dating and Matchmaking Ads in the 1950s Press," written by Eyal Ginzberg, which was published in "Israelim," a journal of Ben Gurion University. Reading this article made me think: what can we learn from a comparison between the Hebrew matchmaking ads of the mid-20th century and the profiles that Israeli men and women upload to matchmaking sites today?

"A beautiful 38-year-old woman, educated, with large property, is interested in meeting a person with a free profession or an industrialist." One of the things that hasn't changed is the length of the message. Then, as today, ads were short because they aimed to attract the relevant audience. And just like today, even then, shame accompanied the search for a match. "The appeal to the matchmaker involved concealment," writes Ginzberg.

"Matchmaking in the 1950s was considered a discreet subject and not much was talked about or written about in public. Besides the embarrassment of contacting a matchmaker, matchmaking was a popular occupation engaged in by the relatives, families, neighbors, and friends of those who were single and unsatisfied, sometimes in a really annoying way. Matchmakers often defended themselves against this negative image; for example, the owner of a matchmaking office stated in an article on the subject in 'Lasha': 'The person who contacted me feels ashamed, but there is no justification for this. Young people come who have invested in work but found that they are left alone.'"

This oppressive and depressing shame, which is a product of our double standards as a society, is still with us. Hadar Zohar, a relationship coach of our generation, explains this well in an interview: "One of the most prominent barriers in regards to finding a relationship is declaring it publicly, but without creating opportunities and exposure by using all the existing circles - family, friends, colleagues, and of course dating sites - we will not manage to find love and a relationship." Zohar adds: "There are those who feel humiliated by opening a profile, and there are also many who are ashamed that acquaintances will see them and their image will be damaged."

In the tension that exists between the need to be attractive and the shame of the need itself, single men and women tried to define succinctly why they are attractive and what they are looking for in a potential partner, and to do so in the shortest and most effective way. I have no pretensions to fit in one short post about all the differences between the periods, but this lovely study and other sources of information allow me to identify some notable differences.

Ginzberg writes that the features and characteristics highlighted in ads from the past belonged to the following categories: age, economic status (which was expressed in concepts such as "owner of property," "owner of an apartment," "orderly in life," and others), character (who tries to market themselves today as "nice" or as "cultured"?), physical features, level of education (which today is completely non-trivial is presented separately from the level of intellectuality, and rightly so in my opinion), employment (with ranks whose meaning is difficult to understand today, such as "office owner") and marital status (beyond that, in that period, the category "It's complicated" was not accepted, it is interesting to see that some of the ads refer to the family of origin of the matchmaker, expressed in concepts such as "a good family").

Status in Israel also appeared there (a characterization that is also difficult to imagine in the days of a global movement like ours, and which, to be honest, was mainly used to take pride in the fact that the bachelor who advertises himself belongs to the elite of the "veterans"), gender features ("masculine" or "feminine," terms that today we convey in the picture, but it is much less politically correct to express them verbally) and of course ethnic background (which, to be honest, in those ads was mainly the statement that the matchmaker is Ashkenazi, or in those terms "European").

The most striking difference between the old ads and the new ones is the relationship to the economic aspect of the match. An example of this is this ad, published by a matchmaking office and considered typical: "For the purpose of marriage, a nice 27-year-old guy, born in Poland, a veteran in Israel, rich and tidy, interested in getting to know a girl, a beautiful young woman with a good appearance, from a good family and of the Ashkenazi tribe." Another ad put it this way: "For the purpose of marriage, an academic, single, 35, with a public and financial position, seeks a (not tall) beautiful and tidy single woman. Describe your exterior and ambitions, age and profession."

Sometimes there were ads where the advertiser explicitly demanded that the potential spouse be financially attractive. The following ad is especially amusing, which today is very hard to imagine being published: "Business owner (28), tall, European, wants to meet an educated young woman with a good appearance (preferably with an apartment) until the age of 24." The author of the study cites other examples such as: "For my friend, a 32-year-old industrialist, of medium height, speaks Hebrew, German and Hungarian [so in the original], owns a private car, I am looking for a suitable girl for the purpose of marriage, preferably with an amount of 40-50,000 lei", or "a 50-year-old widower, very rich, owns a large house in Tel Aviv; A rich widow with 100,000".

A review of recommendations from people who consider themselves dating site experts shows that today the emphasis is on creating a physically and mentally attractive image. One of them is the marriage counselor Dr. Orit Arbel, whose words appear in the same interview. She explains to the beginning bachelor: "It is better to write a short and catchy text, and remember that the more interests and occupations there are, the more interesting the person seems. Another tip is to avoid negativity, which means not stating what we don't like and don't want in our relationship." And what about the picture? "You have to smile; a smile is always captivating and attractive," she explains. "And also reveal some skin. Do not choose a photo with a golf shirt that hides you. Shirts that are considered more open make it possible to discover the person behind the clothes."

Single men and women these days talk about being unique, intriguing (and this will be evidenced by the centrality of the quote component in the profiles, not to mention the number of signatures that do not indicate their mass) and physically attractive. On the other hand, in the past, the ad writers dwelled much more on the economic potential. Ginzberg refers to this: "This can be understood against the background of the period of economic crisis, in which the free and independent linked the experience of love to escape from the economy of scarcity and sought to make the best of the difficult situation. In such a reality, it is likely that people will act to improve their situation, while others, with means, will take advantage of the distress to emphasize their economic advantage."

The economic context is critical, but it cannot be said that young people today are more financially secure or less materialistic than in the past. This is the reason why I think that the comparison with contemporary awareness also shows the strengthening of the romantic myth, the changing attitude towards the body (which makes us feel that those who want us because of the cubes in their stomachs are more authentic than those who want us because of the diligence we have invested in a lucrative career), and the belief that love is based on hidden magic and more immediate than on a process and on a value, intellectual or cultural adaptation in the broad sectarian sense.