The Difference Between Criticism and Judgment

Understanding How to Provide Constructive Feedback Without Being Judgmental

"So, am I just supposed to accept that my spoiled daughter's cheeky friends stole 100 shekels from the lottery?!" Liora (pseudonym) exclaimed angrily as she sat across from me in the clinic. She was struggling to get her teenage daughter back on track, who, like many other children her age, had completely derailed during the second lockdown.

Liora was surprised to discover that her daughter had hosted several friends to watch a film about the Rabin assassination as part of their distance learning. The next day, she found out that the girls had not only learned an important lesson in democracy but also discovered where she kept the money for the maid. Now, she sat puzzled as we tried to understand the depth of her anger.

Liora is a thoughtful woman who often questions her reactions, however automatic they may be. When she realized I thought there was no room for anger at her daughter, she asked me to clarify the difference between criticism and judgment. "I’ve always felt that I was very critical and judgmental," she said candidly. "Is it wrong?"

This question preoccupies many, and when you type "criticality" into Google, texts similar to Liora’s thoughts appear. For example, a short search brought up a quote many will identify with: "I remember being told many times that I was very critical, and I also felt that way. Inside, I really didn’t like these qualities of mine... criticality, judgment, and condemnation of myself and others.

"Naturally, I had a lot of self-criticism towards my criticality and judgment, which didn’t help me change and only made the situation worse, adding frustration and helplessness." This is a familiar topic in couple therapy, where "critical" and "judgmental" are often used interchangeably.

The Difference Between Criticism and Judgment

My conversation with Liora helped me refine something that has been on my mind for a long time: the difference between criticality and judgment. In short, criticism is perfectly fine, while judgment is unnecessary. I will try to distinguish between the two without getting bogged down in semantics.

Criticism

Criticism is a rational method of conduct. It involves normal and essential supervision and control processes to check whether various aspects of our lives align with accepted standards. Think of "audit" like an elevator inspection. This thinking helps us ensure our family is eating healthy, managing our budget appropriately, and developing relevant life skills.

Even though we often use the word "criticism" negatively, it’s clear that a critical person isn’t necessarily negative. Like a movie or restaurant critic who praises when the object of review meets their criteria, a critical person should identify not only problems but also moments when people around them behave impressively and point it out with the same level of meticulousness.

Criticality is not simply an expression of condemnation or opposition. A truly critical person can be of great value because their ability to examine reality in light of an abstract set of criteria helps others reach their goals more effectively.

Judgment

The problem starts when we become judgmental. Judgment goes beyond criticism in at least two ways. One is expressing unfounded negative criticism. Judgmental people quickly express opinions about how things should be without reasoned criteria ("Well, this left-wing feminist, what is she confusing her brain about now?" or "So now she’s a painter? It’s not serious. She should focus on what she’s good at.").

The second way criticality becomes judgmental is when the critic attributes moral meaning to the results of their criticism. The object of their criticism is a good person because they passed the test, or a bad person because they failed.

We are so used to this transition that it’s hard to see how artificial it is. Just as we wouldn’t consider an elevator that doesn’t meet the standard a "poor elevator" but simply avoid riding in it, there’s no reason to make a person who behaved irrationally feel bad about themselves. It’s usually more effective to point out the gap between their behavior and their goals.

Example of Criticism vs. Judgment

Consider a small child who climbs on the sofas in the living room, unaware of gravity and the height of the window. We, aware of the danger, will warn the child and close the window. If the child repeatedly approaches the window, they won’t be allowed to get on the sofa alone. So far, we are behaving critically and rationally. But is it necessary to insult the child or make them feel bad? Does their lack of awareness indicate a moral flaw?

A critical person can bring value to their environment, while a judgmental person makes it difficult for others to reach their potential. Judgmentalism is a type of latent rage, a stress response that becomes a trigger for the object of judgment. Ironically, judgmentalism reduces the credibility of the judgmental person and often leads to them not being listened to.

Liora’s Situation

Liora concluded that criticism is enough and that judgment is unnecessary. She put aside her moral outrage, told her daughter about the missing 100 shekels, and sent her to retrieve it from her friends. The next time the girls visited, they even brought flowers for the hostess.

By understanding the difference between criticism and judgment, we can provide constructive feedback without making others feel condemned, helping them—and ourselves—achieve better outcomes.