Finding Our Way: Reflections on Getting Lost and Reorienting Ourselves
- Apr 23
- 4 min read
How a Trip to the Desert and Watching Cranes Can Teach Us About Life's Challenges
Two weeks ago, we finally went to the desert. After a long period of trying to stay sane, we needed a break. Each of us was exhausted from our own struggles: our super-social younger son who moved to homeschooling, our teenage daughter who couldn't find herself in Zoom classes, my husband whose intense work came to a screeching halt a year ago, and me with my own affairs.
The day after we arrived, in the afternoon, we suddenly heard a loud flapping of wings and a serious croaking noise. My husband, who was outside the cabin testing his new 90mm lens, called us out, making it clear something big was happening. We went out to see a flock of dozens of gray long-necked cranes passing right over our heads. The cranes filled the sky, their wings moving nobly up and down, communicating loudly. They changed positions in the flock with astonishing harmony. Our eight-year-old son looked at this wonderful calligraphy show and asked, "Mom, are they writing something? What are they writing?"
The Metaphor of Sanity and Orientation
We returned to the city, and on Sunday, as I sat in the clinic between appointments, I saw cranes above the Tel Aviv sky. Their long necks reminded me of the cranes they are named after. I read online that at this time of year, the cranes migrate to their nesting areas in Russia, Estonia, and Finland. I can't recognize Estonia on the map, and I need a navigation app to get from Tel Aviv to the Negev Mountains. How do the cranes reach their destination without getting lost? And if they get lost, how do they find their way back? More importantly, how do we find our way after we've lost it?
In Hebrew (and not only), the ability to orient oneself in space is a central metaphor for sanity. Sanity equals orientation: "She lost direction," "He went off the rails," "I lost the north," "I can't find my hands and feet," "I can't find myself." Sanity is the ability to know where you are and continue in the direction you want.
Losing Our Way During Crisis
My therapeutic work allows me to meet many people when they are lost. In the past year, almost all of us have been lost to some degree. Whether due to losing our source of income, family falling apart, discovering addictions, broken childhood dreams, lost artistic inspiration, or other reasons. What differentiates those who find their way back from those who don't?
Maybe we should start with defining getting lost. Being lost involves confusion about our location in space and the failure of trying to re-establish our orientation. The pandemic filled the first part of the definition for almost all of us, confusing us about our position within various contexts. At some point, almost everyone has asked themselves where they actually are in their professional, financial, family, or health story.
Strategies for Reorientation
When we find we don't know where we stand, how do we reorient ourselves? Reflecting on my family, patients, and friends, I identify strategies that are bound to fail and others that seem more effective.
Failed strategies include:
Random Wandering: Starting to wander due to stress, hoping something will click.
Following Another's Path: Trying to follow what seems like another route, hoping it leads to the main road of life.
Overconfidence in Direction: Ignoring warning signs and treating any path not chosen as wrong.
Effective strategies include:
Finding a Vantage Point: Just as a wise traveler would locate the highest hill, a person lost in life should seek a sincere and open dialogue with another person.
Returning to Base: Going back to the last point where you knew your position, returning to people, actions, or habits known to be good for you.
Staying in One Place: Maintaining vigilance and good physical condition, waiting for an opportunity to be saved.
Reflecting on Our True Orientation
Driving home, I realized that many of us enjoy an illusion of orientation that is never put to the test. The pandemic revealed that what we thought was a sense of orientation was often just a strategy to re-establish it. We may not have known how to truly place ourselves in our professional, financial, family, or health stories. Like the cranes, who navigate without getting lost and bond with their mates for life, we need to find ways to reorient ourselves and regain our direction.
By understanding and employing effective strategies for reorientation, we can better navigate the challenges life throws at us and find our way back when we get lost.
Recommendations by Amalia Rosenblum
Documentary: Man on Wire (2008)
In the summer of 1974, Philippe Petit enlisted friends to stretch a steel cable between the Twin Towers and walk on it. Their secret operation overcame security obstacles, resulting in James Marsh's fascinating film about courage, imagination, and friendship.
Book: Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann (Am Oved, 2013)
Set on the day Philippe Petit walked a tightrope, this literary masterpiece intertwines the lives of diverse characters in 1970s New York. Translated into over 30 languages and winning numerous awards, it's a book I will never lend—let others buy their own copy.
Family Activity: Making a Board Game
I was born in New York in 1974 and grew up in Jaffa in the '80s. On rainy days, my brother and I made board games. Creating the game was as exciting as playing it. Recently, my son and I made a car racing game, using cardboard, markers, scissors, and dice. The preparation was enjoyable, and playing with family brought immense pride and joy.
Engaging in such activities fosters creativity, quality time, and valuable life skills.