Drag Shows as a Lesson in Gender Fluidity: A Mother's Perspective

How Watching Drag Shows with My Daughter Offers Insight into Gender and Identity

The feminist thinker Judith Butler taught us that gender is a concept not derived from facts but from fiction and that it is the result of social construction. Butler also challenged the assumption that there should be a match between one's sex (woman), gender (woman), and the object of desire (men).

I want my 14.5-year-old daughter to read Butler and discuss her ideas, maybe even argue about them. However, the chances of that happening in the next decade are slim. Instead, we watch the TV series RuPaul's Drag Race together and attend drag queen Violet Chachki's show at the Theater Club in Jaffa.

Learning Through Experience

When we see RuPaul strutting on stage, I don't have to explain to my daughter that gender identity is an endless series of behaviors—she sees it with her own eyes. And when we go to a drag queen show, she doesn't need a lecture about how these practices imitate an imaginary ideal gender identity. When Chachki twirls silk scarves and swings in a corset, her waist unnaturally narrow, my daughter and hundreds of other young audience members see the performance and understand the concept.

RuPaul's Drag Race remains popular even in its 11th season, watched by hundreds of thousands of people in the United States alone. Critics note the show's focus on drag queens while ignoring drag kings and the potential for women to be drag queens. However, many believe the show benefits LGBTQ youth, inspiring and sometimes saving lives. But what does it offer straight youth?

The Dual Elements of Drag

The answer lies in the combination of control, joy, perfection, and wit with pain, truth, insult, and vulnerability. The show presents a dialectic between the carefully crafted personas of the queens and the real people behind the makeup and wigs. Viewers see personal stories of rejection, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, finding love, coming out as transgender or HIV-positive—stories that make the queens more relatable and lovable.

The show conveys an ironic attitude towards competition. There is rivalry and criticism among participants, but the atmosphere remains familial and supportive. Contestants compete to be the best version of themselves, not to meet an external, objective standard. There is no single prototype of a perfect body; the diversity of appearances is celebrated.

Gender as Performance

The facilitators and participants reveal a layered perception of sexual identity and orientation, encompassing biological sex, gender identity, and sexual attraction. My mediation as a mother wasn't required when the drag artist moderator asked the audience about boys who like to dress up as girls and touch boys.

The Impact of Drag

Not all aspects of drag are celebratory. The shows often emphasize the heavy shadow of patriarchy on both men and women, with a recurring focus on the ideal of the straight man. The songs and dances reflect a post-traumatic need to magnetize and tame the male gaze.

For Judith Butler, drag is the ultimate metaphor for gender. When the opera singer Usher Sabag performs in Chachki's show, he reveals the imitative essence of gender. Sabag's glittering dress (gender) does not stem from his beard (biology) or his desire for a man. The audience sees the distance between biology, gender, and desire, understanding that gender is not nature or essence but a role within a force field.

Dafna Bergman, a public relations firm owner from Tel Aviv, who attended Chachki's show with her daughter, says: "It was a pleasure to see the world defined by drag queens. Women look bold, lively, sexy, funny, smart, and fearless. We celebrate each other without judgment."

A Positive Influence

One of the highlights was when a queen taught the audience to handle compliments, empowering them in a way no mother ever did. She explained that when someone says you're beautiful, you should respond with "Yes, and also..." or "Thank you, and..." meaning you agree but are much more than that. This lesson in confidence and strength is crucial.

My daughter explains that she and her friends watch the show for its fashion, humor, quality, competition, and gossip, not necessarily for its gender message. They are inspired by how the participants survive and thrive as drag artists despite obstacles.

Conclusion

Watching drag shows with my daughter offers a unique opportunity to explore gender fluidity and challenge social norms. It provides a platform for learning, empowerment, and a celebration of diversity, encouraging both of us to embrace and understand the complexities of gender and identity.